The 411 from your School Social Worker …

Surviving the Teenage Years—I’m talking to the Parents here

Time flies and now you have a teenager.  What should a parent expect?  Because many changes are taking place biologically, intellectually, and socially, parents can expect their teen to be unpredictable.  One minute they may fight for independence and demonstrate adult responsibility and the next minute act irresponsible and childish wishing their parent would not have given them the freedom they thought they wanted.  They may test your authority one moment and depend on it the next.  Although this can be a challenging period for you and your teen, it can also be exciting and fun.

The following suggestions may help you survive the teen years:

1. Choose your rules carefully.  They should be based on your values and concern for your child’s well being.
2. When teens display unwanted/inappropriate behavior, assign a consequence. Consequences must be age appropriate, consistent, manageable and related to your child’s behavior.  Do not give a consequence that is impossible to monitor or enforce.  Keep in mind that your objective is to promote positive behavior and    responsible actions. 
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate. 

A)     Give your undivided attention when your teen wants to talk to you.  Listen calmly and concentrate on hearing and understanding your teenager’s point of view.    

B)      Have an open door policy on any subject.   Even if it is not the most comfortable subject to discuss, it is important that you let your teen know that they may come to you to discuss any subject.   

C)      Don’t be afraid of your child’s position.  Teenagers are still trying to develop their views and philosophies and they often test their ideas in conversation.  Listen first and acknowledge their opinion then give your own viewpoints if different. 

*** The use of the “family meetings” can improve communication within the family.  Family

meetings are held at regularly scheduled times when all members can be present.  Use this time to plan family activities, coordinate schedules, define family roles and responsibilities and discuss family concerns/ issues and accomplishments.  Parents make the final decisions based on the contributions of all family members.  Take notes and record the major points of each meeting. Responsibility for taking notes can be alternated between family members. Do not use family meetings for giving lectures or assigning consequences.

4. Avoid being overprotective.  Within reason, allow your child to suffer the consequences of his/her mistakes.
5. Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents.
6. Allow time for yourself.  Maintain your adult relationships.  Reserve time for and plan activities with your spouse/significant other and adult friends.  Children are more likely to develop healthy relationships when they observe their parents in healthy relationships. 
7. Accept limitations.  Some things are just out of your control.  Although you have responsibilities as a parent, you are not responsible for all of your child’s behavior. 
8. Enjoy your family!!!!

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